In the Spiritual Discipline of Self-Care (Part 1)

Okay … right up front … I am NOT an expert in self-care!  I am learning right alongside you—realizing that self-care is not self-ish … learning how to prioritize my own needs … and perhaps the hardest, figuring out what those needs actually are!

We have begun looking at how spiritual formation may be different for women than for men. The area of self-care, while necessary and important for both sexes, seems to be an area in which women often, unfortunately, flourish with negligence. 

Men, in general, seem to be better at self-care. They attend gyms at a higher rate than women, spend five hours more a week in leisure activities (TV, recreation, etc.), spend 6-8 hours less than women doing housework, and 2-6 hours less in childcare. These are not meant to be derogatory statements, just facts … facts that may simply highlight the need for women to start giving priority to their own well-being in addition to the care they give others.

However, adding self-care to my “To Do List” just feels like more work. And I don’t have time for MORE work!

Self-care is a hot topic these days. If you Google self-care, you’ll get over 32 million results! And while some of the self-care ideas suggested may be helpful, somehow, they also seem superficial … thin. Things like “Build a list of quotes from blog posts that encourage you.” “Create a music playlist of songs that make you happy.” “Eat a good balance of protein, complex carbs, fiber, and healthy fats at each meal.”

I’ve made lists like that, probably you have too.

1. Put flowers beside my bed.

2. Go outside for a daily walk.

3. Eat healthy.

I start out strong. Determined that this time I will care for myself. But pretty soon … well, you know how it goes … something else … or someone else … always needs my time and attention.  Their needs eclipse mine.  And I, like most women, staunchly put my needs and desires aside and never quite get around to my well-intentioned list.

Until … until I get angry and exasperated over something very minor. Or cry and moan to my husband that no one is pulling their weight around the house, I’m doing all the work, and I’m exhausted! Or lately I’ve started thinking, “Maybe my life would be saner if I were a minimalist” … and I become a regular at the Goodwill donation door! 

These self-care ideas, they’re not bad. Many of them are, in fact, good ideas. We should eat healthy and get outside.

But these suggestions—these recommendations—they’re not enough.

Not deep enough.

We have probably all been taught that we can’t take care of others (e.g. family, friends, work) unless we take care of ourselves. It’s the old airplane “Put your own oxygen mask on first…” 

And others recite the order by which we should prioritize our lives: “Jesus, Others, You … that spells JOY,” which elicits shame rather than altruism.

Or if you’d like a full-sized guilt-trip, there’s an internet article out there (although inaccurate, but we’ll get into that later) telling you, “Jesus thought of others before He thought of Himself. He poured Himself out and gave Himself away. If you want to follow Jesus’ example…think about the needs of others and place them before your own. Placing others first is characteristic of a servant of God.”

That’s enough to make you tear up your Self-Care List and throw it in the trash!

But is that really the reason to care for ourselves … so we can care for others?

Somehow that seems a bit too co-dependent. But how do you disagree? Arguing statements like those just make you seem selfish—even un-Christian. 

So, let’s take a quick look at the life of Jesus.  Did He really ignore His own needs? Always put others first? Pour Himself out—empty—for the sake of others?

Early in his account Luke gives us three examples of Jesus’ self-care—His self-attentiveness. Luke tells us Jesus went out to an isolated place (Luke 4:42).  He left the demands and the crowds to be alone. Perhaps to breathe. Possibly for some quiet.  Conceivably to get His perspective—His mission back into focus. Maybe to talk with God. We don’t know for sure; we just know He left to be alone.  

So here goes …

SELF-CARE LIST

Researchers tell us the benefits of alone time: a) You replenish your energy stores. b) You have time for reflection. c) The need for external validation is reduced.

The Spiritual Discipline of “Solitude and Silence” is the first lesson we’ll take a deeper look into soon, as well as have a practice session.

Luke goes on to tell us that when the crowds realized Jesus had gone, they searched everywhere for him, and when they finally found him, they BEGGED him not to leave them (Luke 4:42). But Jesus explained to the begging crowd He had other things on His agenda … other towns … other people. Luke tells us Jesus left that town and continued to travel around…

Think about this a minute. The night before, Jesus had healed everyone no matter what their diseases were (Luke 4:40).  News like that spreads fast. The next morning there were no doubt people in that crowd in need of healing. Yet Jesus walked away. He left them … wanting … empty-handed. Why? Did He realize He couldn’t do it all? Was healing not the main reason He had come?

But, still, they were begging Him to stay!

Ever have someone beg you to do something? It’s hard to say No. Sometimes it’s easier to give in and say Yes, even when you don’t want to?

Unlike the it’s-my-responsibility-to-make-everyone-happy messages we give ourselves, Jesus did not feel responsible for taking care of everyone’s needs. Remember, this is God we’re talking about here! This is our model for life on earth! We can add two things to our list from this story…

So, until our next time together when we’ll continue our exploration of Jesus and His self-care, try exploring self-care on your own with some self-attentiveness questions. Spend some time with yourself and God looking deeper.

Be curious about your feelings. Wonder about your thoughts and reactions. Sit with them before God. Ask God these questions and listen for the answer.

And because the best self-care is placing ourselves into God’s care, you might try some alone time … just you and God.

Blessings to you, my friend, as we travel this road of self-care together.

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What self-care strategies have you had success with? Share what you’ve learned with the rest of us!

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Notes:
They attend gyms at a higher rate…  Retrieved 9/14/20 from: https://www.creditdonkey.com/gym-membership-statistics.html
…spend five hours more a week… Retrieved 9/14/20 from: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2013/06/10/another-gender-gap-men-spend-more-time-in-leisure-activities/
Or if you’d like a full-sized guilt-trip… Retrieved 9/14//20 from: https://www.beliefnet.com/inspiration/galleries/6-ways-to-follow-jesus-example-of-serving-others.aspx
Researchers tell us the benefits of alone time… Retrieved 9/14/20 from: https://www.thelawofattraction.com/happens-enjoy-alone/#:~:text=8%20Benefits%20Of%20Being%20Alone%201%20You%20Replenish,Validation%20Reduces.%20…%204%20Your%20Independence%20Increases.%20

Images:
Lead Picture: In the World Not of the World. Artist: Greg Olsen. Retrieved 9/15/20 from: http://www.gregolsen.com
Final Picture: Worlds Without End. Artist: Greg Olsen. Retrieved 9/15/20 from: http://www.gregolsen.com